In the past, at this time of year in this magazine, I’ve made my New Year’s predictions. Now, as you might have figured, I’m no clairvoyant, but how accurate were you? That’s a nice glass house you’ve got there. I wouldn’t throw stones. Okay? Okay. Now then, I’ve just gone through many websites to see what they say and have complied a bunch of the points I found they held in common. This year, I’m going to do something a little different. I’m going to highlight some of the stranger things I’ve seen predicted and then give some of my own advice on how to tackle what is to come. I’ll start with the first animal, the Rat, and then continue on down the line. “Rats born in 1924 should be careful with their eyes in 2009.” All right, call me the party crasher, but if you’re eighty-five years old, you damned well better look after your eyes. The Ox is recommended to “have a key penchant of a Rat”. Does that include Mickey Mouse? “Married Tigers especially those born in 1950 & 1962 need to be careful and resist temptation of the opposite sex.” This astrologer is a strong proponent of Proposition 8. Rabbit doctors and morticians beware, because this year you “should try and avoid places that have yin energy like hospitals or cemeteries”. Dragons must be careful of swivel chairs so that you don’t “sit with your back to the east or you may find unscrupulous people working against you or you may encounter undue gossip and back stabbing during the year.” The Snake should “take extra care with investments this year and whilst money luck is strong you should be careful with stocks and shares or any other form of investment gambling, do not invest more than you can afford to lose and make sure all documents are checked over many times before signing, you have risk of a fraud attempt on you.” As if the Snake didn’t learn from last year. For the Horse beware “lung problems are a potential danger to Horse born in 1954 so please take note and if you are still smoking now is a good time to give up.” That is comforting for those smokers who were born before that. Goats have to “watch out for people back stabbing.” Frontal attackers should pose no threat. Monkeys need to be “careful of eating in restaurants in May and October.” What about drive-thru(s)? “This will turn out to be one of the best years for the Rooster.” But of course don’t be too cocky. The Dog will have a “great” and “fantastic” year. And finally the last animal, the Pig, your “busy lifestyle can cause stomach problems this year so please be careful.” So there you have it, all twelve animals and their abbreviated predictions. For the whole go on what crystal to wear, and what direction your bed should face, go to www.fengshuiweb.co.uk. Now that you’ve prepared, go out and get your celebratory munitions for the night of the 25th. There’s nothing like bringing in the New Year with a big bang.
By Tim Hoerle