Warnings in August 2012

So my brother back home is going to start working for the Food Network’s own Guy Fieri in this huge restaurant in the middle of Times Square, smack dab in the center of downtown New York City. So in order to make myself a bit more knowledgeable on the dude, I decided to watch a marathon of his popular TV series, Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives, and was I impressed or what? Not only does the guy know how to cook, but he knows how to laugh. And then there was the food that he was sampling from all over the US. Now as far as I’m concerned there are three types of food programs out there: there is the one that makes me nervous like the Iron Chef, or Chopped where there’s some sort of competition going on, there’s the one the makes me hungry and generally interested where the chef is calmly making some food in between making some sort of funny joke about this or that, and finally there are the shitty shows where they put some food “expert” behind the fire who speaks half in French and half in Snob. Guy’s food show focuses on eating the food made by other people, and what’s better than that? It’s like being a judge on Chopped without the hassle of dealing with the competitive spirit. Okay, so now that I knew something about the dude who was to write my brother’s paycheck, I was ready to go into a full blown-out conversation about the man.

And was I immediately put back into my place or what? I felt like I was ten-years-old again when my older brother used to send me away by swatting air with a movement of his hand. After all, it’s just another job, nothing to get excited about, no reason to get my feathers ruffled. Who cares this guy gets all orgasmic whenever he learns how long it takes to make a home-made beef stock? Does it really matter the guy’s eyes roll into the back of his head whenever he sinks his teeth into a brisket that’s been slow-cooked for five hours? Then he asked me if I liked the mint he added to spice up the tomatoes. After all, it was imported in the form of a live plant from Italy a number of years ago, and my brother finally got some of it to grow like mad in his garden. Yeah, it’s great; fantastic for that matter, but what about your new boss? What about all of the new things you hope to learn and experience?  Did I know there are a lot fewer chefs in the kitchen than I would guess? Did I know how hard they have to work? And did he tell me how the particular type of mint has little hairs on it rather than the normal kind that he used to grow in his garden? I’m still his little brother I guess.

By Tim Hoerle