Warnings in May 2013

Beijing Boyce, one of my favorite online food bloggers, once mentioned how he liked to put Taco Bell Hot Sauce on his Gung Ho Pizza, and that got me to thinking—how many other cool combinations are out there, and so I was started. One thing I’d always wanted to do was add lemon to every type of local dish, and so I began my trek to start carrying lemons around wherever I go, and now while they don’t exactly go with everything, they go with most, and one of my newest delights is to squeeze a whole lemon into any kind of noodles. It’s heavenly and the zesty addition cuts right at the overly oily tendency noodles here tend to have. That and the fish: ever had a Squirreled Mandarin Fish with lemon on top? Superb. Plus, breaking out a lemon in a Chinese restaurant isn’t like breaking out the ketchup in a French place; which I’ve been known to do. Fortunately, busting out a lemon in a Chinese joint only gets one inquisitive stares, while the French routinely blind me with espresso before working me over with truncheons and throwing me out of their restaurant. They’re right to do it.

I continued my culinary experimentation on the rice I was eating. I’ve always wanted to try my Fried Egg with Rice with a bit of cheese, and wham. That was a hit. Nowadays cheddar cheese isn’t as hard to get as it was, and though it’s a bit costly, it’s worth it. Then I put some chili powder into the rice while cooking it, and Bam! It gives the rice a nice orange color, and it gives just enough kick to be noticeable. Next came the Jiaozi. I’ve now tried two types worth mentioning: pepperoni with mozzarella, and jalapenos with mozzarella, and both were absolutely divine. Fry those bad boys up, serve them with a bit of marinara sauce, and I‘ve got something out of Marco Polo’s world.

Those were some of my success stories. Here are some failures. No matter how much I’ve tried to fancy up my ramen noodles, it always turns out to be a complete failure. I guess I should have listened to the French when it comes to my ketchup will solve anything theory because no matter how many Italian spices I throw onto my ketchup with ramen, it just never seems to work. Butter and garlic on ramen just doesn’t cut the mustard, nor does the addition of actual mustard. I should leave the ramen noodles to the Japanese. Hey! How about wasabi on top of hotdogs? Or maybe even a grilled chopped hotdog with wasabi thrown into my bowl of ramen noodles? No, I shall not end my quest for the best fusion bowl of ramen noodles. Now if I could only get my hands on some Taco Bell Hot Sauce…

By Tim Hoerle