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MORE Magazine’s Seasonal Lexicontamination
By Jack Cameron

A – in no way snarky – Guide to the Words Yule Need this Holiday Season

adoration: (1) The state or condition of adoring, which is more or less like a state or condition or loving, but with antiseptic properties, the aroma of white linen, and the taste of weak, warm chamomile tea; (2) an unspecific expanse of time, e.g., “I’ve been waiting for quite adoration to get my 12-piece McNuggets.”

angel: (1) A mythical being, possibly of either sex or ungendered, found or claimed to be common enough in heaven, hospitals, and on battle fields, but found chiefly in Victoria’s Secrets advertisements, catwalks, and the tabletops of strip-clubs; (2) the name of approximately one-in-14,000 Chinese girls born between 1980 and 1990. The former are often responsible for annunciations and are known to be present in delusions, while one-in-six of the latter are often totally irresponsible and thoroughly delusional with respect to the aptness of their name.

annunciation: (1) Notice of something too important for a text or Tweet, although rumors abound that Gabriel has followed the Supreme Pontiff’s lead and opened a WeChat; the word refers most often to an event requiring polished shoes and shirts with collars, and possibly an RSVP; (2) the wafer-thin neutral ground between pronunciation and connunciation, or it would be if there were such things as connunciations, which we think there should be.

baby: (1) The ultimate fashion accessory; (2) palpable, audible, and too often unfragrant evidence that one or both of the parties responsible for its manufacture have very bad luck, or else have lost hope in a fulfilling and rewarding future of independent self-actualization. When the baby is claimed to have divine parentage none of the foregoing applies, but chances are the cards are stacked against the kid and that things won’t end well for him or her, especially her.

bells: Even when on bobtails ringing, they toll for thee.

candle: Life, it once was said, is a game not worth one; and since the original was in French and quoted approvingly by Schopenhauer - Le jeu ne vaut pas la chandelle - who the hell are we to disagree, oui?

carolling: (1) Semi-musical harassment by people whose wardrobe comes exclusively from L.L. Bean and revere Garrison Keillor as divine erotica; (2) musical semi-harassment by gangs of apprentice stalkers. Why did this ever seem to be a good idea to anyone? (3) very likely the name of at least 160,000 Chinese women who either lack Anglophone friends, or whose Anglophone friends lack honesty; (4) what one does with Carol in private but wouldn’t talk about to anyone who knows her personally.

choir: (1) An intentional assemblage of aspirant soloists, each with too much free time on his or her hands and more than likely a terrible sex-life, and generally performing ensemble under the attempted direction of someone who cannot sing but has a large collection of Hummel figures; (2) in some English topolects, a synonym for the verb ‘to get’, e.g., “I’m hopin’ to choir some new Realtree camouflage for this sears wile pig hunt.”

December: (1) The last month you’ll ever need, even if you don’t deserve it; (2) the punctuation mark in an 11-month custodial sentence, typically an exclamation point or interrobang; (3) a thirty-day farce that began last December 31st with a 48-hour satyr play and follows upon a 48-week long tragedy.

driedel: If you have to ask, you’ll never get it.

elf (pl. ‘elves’): Before gaige kaifang (改革开放, “reform-and-opening-up”) the world’s leading manufacturers of toys. But that’s a thing of the past, now isn’t it? Note, too, that the Claymation elves of Rankin-Bass (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer) look nothing like those in Lord of the Rings. There’s no freakin’ way Arroyn would be hunched over an assembly-line workstation in the sub-zero arctic assembling toys. So when did elves drop-out of the blue-collar semi-skilled labor force and become buff and hot?

eve: Short for ‘evening’, which itself is always either too long or too short. Note, not all evenings are correctly referred to as ‘eves,’ and when one is, rest assured it is going to be expensive.

Frankincense: A short-lived perfume by the people who created Boo-Berry and Count Chockula; (2) referring to nearly miraculous powers possessed by some Franks in respect to situations in which the honesty or credibility of one's intentions are in doubt, or where outcomes are uncertain, conjectural, or indeterminate; thus the word is followed by phrases like "when a fella's bluffin", "when it’s gonna rain like hell", and "if the fish are biting’."

festive: (1) requiring medical attention and antibiotics; (2) used to describe the atmosphere at an obligatory holiday event that nobody truly enjoyed. See also ‘seasonal.’

Feliz navidad: (1) How a large part of the BRIC says joyeux noel; (2) the title of a song, prolonged exposure to which may induce seizure activity and homicidal ideations.

garland: What every pipe cleaner wants to be when it grows up. The ubiquitous presence of these tinsel boas serves to constrict one’s ability to ignore holiday obligations, but we have yet to find one strong enough to use as a hangman’s noose or garrote. See also ‘tinsel.’

gift: Occasionally a genuine token of appreciation, esteem, or affection, bestowed kenotically and with pure intentions by one sentient being upon another, for the express purpose of causing joy or delight. More typically a ‘gift’ is a down-payment, fee, fine, form of tribute, wergild, or revenge, but with nicer wrapping than usual for these sorts of things. When in the form of a horse, it should under no circumstances be subjected to oral examination; when in the form of an oral examination, it should under no circumstances leave either party hoarse.

hark: Colloquial Angelese for, “Yo! Listen the fuck up!” But then again, the word is always colloquial in Angelese, and in Angelese only. For anyone other than a native-speaking Angelphone to use the word is just plain weird. See also ‘silent’ and ‘quiet’.

Hanukah: A much more sensible tradition based on a much more credible story, but, like, nowhere near as fun as its gentile counterpart. Kugel isn’t that good.

Ho ho ho: Why the KTV was very very very expensive.

holiday: Literally holy day, although very few holidays have anything holy about them anymore. Thank god. ‘Holiday’ is generally translated into Chinese as jie or jie ri (节, 节日), which is itself often translated into English as ‘festival.’ The semantic extension of ‘festival,’ however, does not overlap exactly with that of the word ‘holiday’, viz., there might be a festival in the absence of a holiday, and not every holiday is a festival or consists of distinctly festive aspects. Fair enough. (See also ‘festive’.) ‘Festival’ has its origins in the word feast, and although neither all holidays nor all festivals traditionally require or actually result in feasts, that can’t be helped. The allied etymologies make the phase holiday feast sort of redundant, but the phrase “It is a very festive holiday full of feasting and festivities” is intelligible, if repellent. See also ‘holy.’

holy: “Is something holy because it is loved by the gods, or, do the gods love something because it is holy?” With this question thus did Socrates torture poor young Euthyphro on the archon’s porch – though the former sure got his comeuppance, didn’t he? The word describes something amenable to or capable of being subject to desecration – viz.

If it cannot be desecrated, then it is not holy;
It is holy. ------------------------------------------
Therefore: It can be desecrated.

Note however, that the syllogism…

If it is holy, it can be desecrated;
It is not holy. ----------------------------------------------
Therefore: It cannot be desecrated.

…is strictly speaking invalid, having commit the fallacy of denying the antecedent, and one should never, ever deny one’s antecedents, whatever precedent they might have inadvertently set. So what, then, is the true nature of the holy? We might advance upon an answer of sorts by observing that this adjective is most commonly appended to vulgar synonyms for faeces and fornication, and thereby used to express surprise or shock. Draw your own conclusions.

holly: What any self-respecting cactus would prefer to be, if it could.

immaculate: Cleaner than you could possibly conceive.

jolly: Used to describe someone who is good-natured, prone to laughter, and on the chubby side. No one with washboard abs or anorexia was ever described as ‘jolly.’ See also ‘merry.’

k: The eleventh letter in the English alphabet; when appearing after an ‘o’, it expresses agreement, affirmation, capitulation, or resignation; when appearing before an ‘o’, it expresses sudden and acute incapacitation; when following any number larger than ‘0’, an indication of a remuneration aspiration; when it appears on its own, it is special.

Kwanza: Multiculturalism’s finest brain tumor, well-intentioned but non-benign.

list: He’s making one, and checking it twice – see also ‘Schindler, Oskar’

love: For some, the ruling Force or Power in the universe; for the rest of us, the root of the trade in blood diamonds and the leading cause of divorce.

magi: Plural of ‘magus,’ which shares roots with ‘magic’ and hence ‘magician’; in the context of Bethlehem, it refers specifically to a trio of wise men who followed a star to a barn in order to dole-out hard-currency, incense, and body lotion to the kid of a couple they didn’t even know. Just try that today. (2) the variant ‘Magii’ is sometimes used as the plural form for “two Maggies”, though in our experience one Maggie at any one time is more than enough to deal with.

manger: One who is in charg, like a supervior; noun form of the verb to mange.

merry: Something one makes, apparently. See also ‘jolly.’

messiah: Superman, Batman, Spiderman, James Bond, Gandhi, and Will Smith all rolled into one para-apocalyptic musical masterpiece that eventually becomes tedious and lacking in credibility.

mistletoe: One of two well-known and proven herbal excuses for kissing a complete stranger, and not the one we prefer. In the holiday context, an essential part of a creepy tradition that allows Party A to plant one on Party B just because s/he had the misfortune of standing beneath a species of poisonous plant at a party. “But there was mistletoe overhead!” is not known to be an acceptable defense against charges of frottage or sexual assault.

newborn: (1) The first installment on a lifetime of obligation; (2) the preface to a book that’s better to read than to write oneself – see also ‘baby’ and ‘sleep-deprivation.’

North Pole: According to Comet and Cupid, used by Dancers – as well as Prancers and Vixens.

O: come all ye faithful [Ed.]

ornament: The opposite of necessity, though the precise definition depends entirely on your hood. Ornaments are to staples what chocolate is to nutrition, hence their much-deserved popularity.

poinsettia: Species of hunting dog popular south of the Mason-Dixon line.

present: (1) Not yet, and not-yet historical; (2) now; (3) when used as a verb, a polite way of saying “Whip it out!” as in, “Please present your passport and boarding card for inspection.” See also ‘gift.’

quiet: (1) When all is calm, or, when someone’s not too bright or, is very bright but just bored; (2) the correct immediate response to ‘hark.’ See also ‘silent.’

resolution (New Year’s): (1) The last-minute rationale for much New Year’s Eve dissolution and gratuitous self-pollution; (2) elevated aspirations generally contemplated in the light of chronic self-deprecations.

return policy: After cash, the only gift you ever need.

ribbon: What your friends will give you for your shite wrapping – or shit rapping.

rum-pa-tum-tum: The family-values version of Bang a gong/get it on, this was apparently an acceptable form of currency in Roman-occupied Palestine. Note however that playing a rum-pa-tum-tum on your drum is nowadays not quite the gift it once was, and will rarely make friends and influence people in the way a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label or a carton of Chunghwa cigarettes will (unless, of course, you are responding to an annunciation). No drum? Not to worry. There’s an app for that.

SAD: Abbreviation for Seasonal Affective Disorder, which was added to the DSM-III(R) when really insightful graduate students at Harvard Medical School noticed that acute onset but non-comorbid depression seems to afflict a number of otherwise healthy people in northern climes during the month of December, particularly those stupid enough to live year-round in northern climes and who for that reason tend to lack sufficient exposure to sunlight during winter months, and who for unrelated reasons have had more than sufficient exposure to the reality that the holidays can suck.

seasonal: (1) Adjective referring mainly to qualities, properties, or features of non-durable consumer goods that you neither missed nor needed one month earlier and will neither need nor miss one month hence, for which reason you probably shouldn’t get too excited about them in the first place. If eggnog and gingerbread were really that good we’d be taking them in our coolers to the beach, but we don’t now do we? (2) adjective describing the predictably recurrent but ephemeral, and the dust-collecting. See also ‘holiday.’

silent: Similar to quiet, but quieter. The idea of “silent night” (nox silens), in these latitudes, somehow became ping’an jie (平安节), “Peaceful-Night Festival,” which, on the face of it, seems like a nice gesture to Joe, Mary, the miracle baby, and to all parties who hold The Birthday in especial reverence. Fact is, ping’an jie is one of Middle Earth’s biggest piss-up nights of the year; swaddling clothes, benumbed stable beasts, and the fulfillment of messianic prophecies ain’t got nothing to do with this jie, which has about as much ping and an as the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue has sports. Book your tables in advance, and make sure your employer is giving you the 26th off so ye merry gentlemen (and women) can rest -- dismayed or otherwise. Silent, my ass. In metro-China wise men and virgins alike will be running with the bulls, and a few lions lying with not so silent lambs, and lying to all of them.

stockings: Articles of clothing which, for the young, are hung from the chimney with care, hopeful that one will awake on the morning of the 25th of December to find them stuffed with goodies; for adults, articles of clothing clumsily clutched at or teased-off with toes the night of the 24th of December, mindless or heedless of the fact that - sometime around noon on the 25th - you’ll probably want to find both of them and fly up the chimney before s/he awakes.

tinsel: (1) Singularly responsible for more chronic and terminal respiratory failure among quality vacuum cleaners than any other object in the known universe, except possibly for pine needles; (2) silvery material generally made of non-fibrous textiles and used to further humiliate once proud Douglas Firs and other conifers which were minding their own business before they were murdered by a redneck with a chainsaw to satisfy the quixotic pagan winter whims of gentile and Jew alike; (3) anything cheap used to gild a dying lily.

upon: A curious word, the existence of which is owed to the fact that ‘on’ simply wasn’t good enough for some people, who, being petty and never satisfied with what they had, began clamoring about the need to be able to describe in one fell swoop how a thing is both up and on another thing at the same time, viz., “The star is not just on the top of the tree, it is up on the top of the tree.” As if Down on the top of the tree would make any sense at all. And so, without permission to do so, a number of otherwise sensible folks began to stick ‘up’ next to ‘on’; and since dissent was minimal, they got away with it.

But were they satisfied with that? No. Before long they then began to complain about the space between the up and the on, insisting that it was simply too much to bear; viz.,

A: There, are you happy now? I have put a star up on the top of the tree!

B: Well that’s fine and good; but what do you intend to do about that gap between ‘up’ and ‘on’? I don’t like the way it looks, and we’re expecting guests. Fix it.

Why that should have been the case is anybody’s guess, although it is true that Nature abhors a vacuum and that some publishers pay by the word; and so with a removal of the vacuity between ‘up’ and ‘on’ Nature and publishers got their way. As they usually do. We have been living with the consequences of this ever since, but no one seems to care.

Vatican (City): Europe’s smallest independent state of denial.

White Christmas: (1) “Thank you for flying Bogota Airlines. We hope you have a pleasant destination, and wish you a safe journey to your final trip;” (2) ardently desired by children and by anyone who has never needed to operate a snowblower at 5 a.m. in pajamas, or go over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house in an old Datsun with bald tires and no rear-window de-icer.

wreath: a symbolic display of amputated vegetable matter that shows in miniature how the circle of life starts to look unpleasant and smell funny after a few weeks’ worth of exposure to life.

Xerox: The name of the machine you defaced and assaulted with your bare buttocks while drunk at the office Christmas party where you subsequently lost consciousness and your co-workers’ respect. [Ed.]

Yule: The first part of a spoken command, prediction, or threat, and most often followed by with words “just have to get used to it”, “love it, trust me”, and “be sorry”.

Z: (1) the 26th and final letter of any halfway-decent alphabet; (2) in the plural, colloquial for sleep – but always and only in the plural. How a single letter can have a plural form is beyond us; but like it or not no one ever talks about “catching a Z” or “needing a Z,” even when it might make perfect sense to do so – e.g.:

- intern: Oh, man. I’m dead tired. I need to catch some Z’s before I crash.

- doctor: I’m afraid there’s no time for that; but I’ll let you have one Z right after we finish this appendectomy. Just one and you’ll owe me big-time.

(3) entities that elude children, both naughty and nice, on the evening of the 24th of December, excited as they are about the prospect of a nocturnal visitation by an obese senior citizen with a ratty beard and sack full of electronic goods; (4) entities forsaken freely by adults, both naughty and nice, in their annual pursuit of comfort and joy, comfort and joy.

zymurgy: The process by which yeast breaks down sugars to make alcohol, and by extension, the holidays, tolerable for those unfortunate enough to have to spend it with their families. [Ed.]

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PHOTOFAIRS - Shanghai: Program Highlights and Gallery List

T I M E  
September 20th-22nd

V E N U E 
Shanghai Exhibition Center
上海展览中心

T I C K E T S 
Public Ticket: 150RMB
VIP Preview: 660RMB

PHOTOFAIRS | Shanghai announces its program highlights and gallery list for its sixth edition which will take place at the Shanghai Exhibition Centre from September 20-22 with Presenting Partner Porsche.

Since its beginning, the Fair has provided an unparalleled platform for collectors and audiences across Asia Pacific to revisit the history of photography and to be challenged to redefine the medium's boundaries.

​Recognizing photography as a changing and developing art form, the Fair presents moving images, installations, videos, digital art, sculptures and performance alongside classic masterpieces and still works.

This is clearly reflected throughout the Fair's 2019 public program which emphasizes the experimental features of photography, encouraging new approaches and ideas through special exhibitions, installations and new commissions by some of the most exciting artists working in the medium today.

STAGED

Staged is a curated initiative that spotlights artists working at the cutting-edge of photography.  Placed throughout the Fair, Staged 2019 is powered by Ocula and features:

- Chen Dazhi (Three Shadows +3 Gallery, Beijing & Xiamen), whose photography evokes the visualization of spirits across the dimensions of time and space.

- Johannes Wohnseifer (König Galerie, London & Berlin), whose ‘Polaroid Paintings’ challenge the functional use of Polaroids as a social and aesthetic means of documenting everyday reality.

- Michael Najjar (BANK, Shanghai), as a pioneer artist who fuses science, art, and technology into visions and utopias of future social orders emerging under the impact of cutting-edge technologies.

- Leila Alaoui (Galleria Continua, Beijing, Havana, Les Moulins, San Gimignano), with La Marocians which brings together larger-than-life portraits taken by the artist as she travelled Morocco.

Li Binyuan (Ren Space, Shanghai), whose performance ‘Room’ (2019) brings together video art and live action sculpture.

INSIGHTS FIELDWORK

In a newly commissioned exhibition, Para Site (Hong Kong) will bring together a diverse collection of artists from across East Asia/Asia Pacific who use photography and new media to challenge the conventional theme of landscape including Yang Yuanyuan, Lau Wai and Tan Lijie.

Titled Fieldwork, the exhibition reflects on ideas around territory, culture, identity and state by reframing the past to consider its role in shaping the future.  With artworks never seen in Mainland China, each artist will examine moments in history that have been previously overlooked or deliberately excluded to offer comment on the current geo-political situation. Works include:

- Intensely personal pieces such as Sim Chi Yin’s series One Day They’ll Understand.  The work captures the complexity of family history in relation to the Cold War era in South East Asia and examines the hidden stories, silenced memories and contested narratives. 

- Particularly pertinent against the backdrop of the Hong Kong protests, Siu Wai Hang's Inside/ Outland documents the very waters that separate Hong Kong from the mainland, a reminder of those who swam to the shores of Hong Kong to seek refuge, including the artist's own father, and the complexity in distilling "we" from "they".

Motoyuki Shitamichi's Torii project in which the artist photographs the Japanese torii outside of Japan’s national borders. Torii represents a symbolic shape in Shintoism and outside of Japan the torii lose their significance and transform into simple objects.

COLLECTORS' EXHIBITION TAKING THE LEAP

Artworks from the UK's University of Salford Art Collection, which focuses on digital and Chinese contemporary art, have been selected by celebrated Hong Kong curator Ying Kwok for the 2019 Collectors' Exhibition.

With the theme Taking the Leap, Kwok challenges collectors and audiences to move away from their comfort zone and demonstrates how to collect digital artworks by showcasing exciting artists including Cao Fei, Sun Xun, Mishka Henner and duo Jon Thomson and Alison Craighead. 

The exhibition also hopes to inspire collectors to commission artists to create new work.  Demonstrating this point, the leading, and often censored, female multimedia artist Lu Yang, has been commissioned to create a new photographic lightbox which will be shown in the Collectors Exhibition and will then enter the University of Salford Art Collection after the Fair.

Spotlight & Exposure Award

As announced earlier this year, the 2019 public program will also see two Mainland China debuts: Marina Abramović's legendary series The Lovers (1988) in the Spotlight exhibition and a solo presentation of work by French artist Noemie Goudal (Galerie Les Filles du Calvaire, Paris), winner of the Fair's inaugural Exposure Award powered by MODERN EYE.

Supporting PHOTOFAIRS | Shanghai this year are 50 galleries from around the world, committed to showcasing the very best in contemporary photography. 

They include:  10 Years Ago (Toronto), Alter Gallery (Shanghai), Arario Gallery (Cheonan, Seoul & Shanghai), Art Labor (Shanghai), ArtCN Gallery (Shanghai), artspace AM (Tokyo), BANK (Shanghai), bitforms gallery (New York), Brownie Project (Shanghai), Cipa Gallery (Beijing), Galleria Continua (San Gimignano, Beijing, Les Moulins & Habana), Danysz Gallery (Paris, Shanghai & London), Galerie Dumonteil (Paris & Shanghai), Galerie F16 (Paris), Flowers Gallery (London, New York & Hong Kong), Gaotai Gallery (Urumqi), Christophe Guye Galerie (Zurich), Harmony Art Gallery (Shanghai), Sean Kelly Gallery (New York & Taipei), Klemm's (Berlin), König Galerie (Berlin & London), Leo Gallery (Shanghai & Hong Kong), Les Douches La Galerie (Paris), Galerie Les Filles du Calvaire (Paris), Ami Li Gallery (Beijing), Matthew Liu Fine Arts (Shanghai), M Art Center (Shanghai), Mohsen Gallery (Tehran), Nine Art (Shenzhen), Nine Art Space (Shanghai), Anna Nova Gallery (Saint-Petersburg), Ostlicht. Gallery for Photography (Vienna), Pan – View Gallery (Zhengzhou),  Christine Park Gallery (New York), Pékin Fine Arts (Beijing & Hong Kong), Galerie Photo 12 (Paris), Rén Space (Shanghai), Galerie Thaddaeus Ropac (Paris, Salzburg & London), see + gallery (Beijing & Shenzhen), ShanghART Gallery (Shanghai, Beijing & Singapore), Three Shadows +3 Gallery (Beijing & Xiamen), Timeless Gallery (Beijing), Time Space Gallery (Beijing & Zhengzhou), Up Gallery (Hsinchu City), Per van der Horst Gallery (The Hague & Taipei), View Art Gallery (Lanzhou) and University of Salford Art Collection (Salford).

About 
PHOTOFAIRS | Shanghai


PHOTOFAIRS | Shanghai is the leading destination in Asia Pacific for discovering and collecting photography; classic masterpieces, contemporary photography, large-scale installations, moving-image and the latest innovations in technology.  PHOTOFAIRS | Shanghai is dedicated to offering 50 international galleries a unique and personal art fair experience from the tailored environment of the fair, through to dedicated VIP and curator events and personal translation services on the booths. The fair offers two exhibiting sectors Main and Platform that are supported by an extensive Public Program of exhibitions, talks and events, including Insights, Staged, Spotlight, Connected and Conversations.

The sixth edition of PHOTOFAIRS | Shanghai will be presented by World Photography Organization and PORSCHE.

Sam’s Club: Recipes for the Homesick

Living outside your home country can be exciting and eye-opening, immersed with new experiences and culture and the idea of being independent. Yet there are times that we still long for the familiar. That is when homesickness strikes. Being away from what has been common to you for long is tough, and a totally different culture like China is of no help either.

What do you do when homesickness strikes? There are a lot of tips and tricks you can find online, but if there's only one essential thing these tips have in common, that would be cooking up your favorite comfort foods to start the day right. 

With that, Sam’s Club prioritizes food safety as much as you do for you and your family; that's why we make sure that our products are properly managed and controlled precisely from our suppliers to our display shelves. We also utilize advanced frozen at sea technique and transports with entire cold chain equipment to eliminate food concerns and ensure food freshness and quality. 

Not only that we at Sam's Club offer high quality food at great value so you don't have to break the bank in order to enjoy good and healthy food for you and your family.

We also have prepared a couple of events for you to check out and know about Sam's Club more.

13th Expat Show
New to China? Check us out!

We have the information you need on schools, medical service, shopping and more, exclusively for Expats just like you!

Also, you can enjoy delicious free tasting and DiDi Premier coupons and discounts only at Sam's booth!

9/20-9/22
Shanghai Exhibition Center, No.1000 Yan An Road, Jing An District, Shanghai

Sam's Club Pop-Up Store
Foodie's Wonderland!

Check out the biggest shopping cart in the world that you have never seen before!
Come and have fun with us! Fun games and presents are waiting for you!

9/19-9/22
Qibao Vanke Plaza, Caobao Road, Minhang District, Shanghai

We at Sam's Club asked our customers for the dishes and recipes that made them think of home, and here are the 2 best recipes we've compiled for you to enjoy as well.

Mexican Egg Bacon Avocado Toast

Avocado toast is absolutely delicious. It's a go-to for a quick and easy healthy breakfast that is so versatile and can be topped with a variety of ingredients.

Ingredients
- 2 slices Member's Mark Black Wheat Toast
- 2 slices Hormel Selected Bacon
- 2 large Member's Mark Eggs
- 1 large Dole avocado
- 1/4 teaspoon paprika
- 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- Pico de Gallo and Feta cheese for topping

Recipe
1. Cook bacon over medium-high heat.
2. While cooking the bacon, toast the bread, scramble the eggs, and make the avocado mash.
3. To make avocado mash:
- Cut avocado in half lengthwise.
- Take out the seed and scoop the avocado out of the peel with a spoon.
- Mash avocado with a fork.
- Season with paprika, garlic powder and salt to taste.
4. Once everything is done, top bread with avocado mash, scrambled egg, bacon, Pico de Gallo and Feta.

Member's Mark
Eggs

All the eggs are sterilized and source traceable.
¥29.8 / 1.85kg.

Dole Avocado
¥29.8 / 1.5kg.

Hormel Selected Bacon
¥74 / 1kg.

Member's Mark
Black Wheat Toast

¥24.8 / 0.46kg.

Super Fresh Grilled Shrimp Salad with Honey Mustard Vinaigrette

A simple salad made almost entirely lettuce, shrimp, corn and bell peppers, and using it in this fresh grilled shrimp salad.

Ingredients
For the Shrimp
- 1 ¼ pound Member's Mark Raw Tail-Off Shrimps
- 2 tablespoons chopped parsley
- 2 cloves fresh garlic, minced
- 1 tablespoon lemon zest
- 3 tablespoons Member's Mark Pure Olive Oil
- ½ teaspoon salt

For the Salad
- 3 hearts of romaine (Sliced down the center with end intact)
- 2 ears of corn, husked
- 2 bell peppers (yellow, red, orange whatever you like)
- 1 hothouse cucumber, diced
- 1 large avocado, diced (optional)
- 2 ½ cups of chopped grape tomatoes

For the Honey Mustard Vinaigrette
- 1 tablespoon yellow or dijon mustard
- 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
- 1-2 tablespoons honey
- ⅓ cup Member's Mark Pure Olive Oil

Recipe
SHRIMP
1. Add the parsley, garlic, lemon zest, olive oil and salt in a bowl.
2. Add the shrimp and stir to combine. Let marinate for 10-15 minutes while you chop all the veggies and prepare the dressing.
3. Place 4-6 shrimp on wooden skewers before grilling.

VINAIGRETTE
1. Whisk together the mustard, vinegar, and 1 tablespoon of honey with a pinch of salt.
2. Continue whisking as you stream in the olive oil.
3. Taste and adjust with an additional tablespoon of honey if you prefer your dressing a little sweeter.

GRILLING
1. Preheat the grill and spray with cooking spray if desired. Grill time will vary for the ingredients so start with the corn.
2. Spray the corn with cooking spray, season with a pinch of salt and roast, turning every 4-5 minutes for about 15-18 minutes total.
3. Add the whole bell pepper next and grill for 1 minute or longer if you’d like it to char a bit.
4. Add the shrimp skewers near the end of cooking time, they’ll take about 2-3 minutes per side.
5. Spray the romaine hearts with cooking spray and sprinkle with a tiny pinch of salt, grill for about 2-3 minutes on each side.

ASSEMBLE
1. Add the chopped cucumbers, avocados, and tomatoes to a large salad bowl.
2. Remove the stem from the romaine hearts and chop.
3. Chop the corn kernels off the cobb.
4. Dice the bell pepper.
5. Add all the ingredients to the bowl and toss with the dressing.
6. Serve immediately.

Member's Mark
Raw Tail-Off Shrimps

¥89 / 0.91kg.

Member's Mark
Pure Olive Oil

¥36.8 / 1.46kg.

Member's Mark
Oranges

¥49.8 / 0.1kg.

The fun does not stop there!
We have a lot of other products you may want to experiment with your recipes:

Southern Sun
Triple Mix Berries

Imported from Chile.
¥48 / 1.3kg.

McCain
Peas, Corn and Carrots

Imported from New Zealand.
¥19.5 / 1.02kg.

Kyvalley Farms
Organic Full Cream Fresh Milk

Fresh organic milk air freighted from Australia.
¥56 / 1kg.

To Make Your Life Easier
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We ensure you that life is better in the club.

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What is Member’s Mark?
Sam’s Club offers over 600 types of high-quality products at competitive prices through its private brand – Member’s Mark. Sam’s suppliers are of the highest caliber and they strictly follow product specifications during production to maintain product quality and integrity.

On this Harvest Moon: The Mid-Autumn Festival

This year the Mid-Autumn Festival, or Moon Festival, falls on September 13th. This is the 2nd most important festival in China, after the Chinese New Year/Spring Festival blow out extravaganza. The Mid-Autumn Festival is a harvest festival that coincides with the autumnal equinox and marks the end of the summer harvest season, and its date varies from year to year because the Chinese can’t seem to let go of the Lunar Calendar. Of course, they’ve seen silverware too, but Jerry Seinfeld already did that bit.

Like everything else here, the history of the Mid-Autumn Festival dates all the way back, 3,000 years, to the Shang Dynasty, when the powerful sorcerer Lo Pan broke the curse of immortality by marrying a girl with green eyes…no, wait, that was the plot to Big Trouble in Little China. Here’s the real one, according to legend (or, Wikipedia, if you want to be a jerk about it):

“Chang'e and her husband Houyi were immortals living in heaven. One day, the ten sons of the Jade Emperor transformed into ten suns and scorched the Earth. Having failed to order his sons to stop ruining the Earth, the Jade Emperor summoned Houyi for help. Houyi, using his legendary archery skills, shot down nine of the sons, but spared one son (who conveniently became the Sun). The Jade Emperor was obviously not pleased with Houyi's solution to save the Earth as it involved Houyi murdering nine of his sons. As punishment, the Jade Emperor banished Houyi and Chang'e to live as mere mortals on Earth.

Seeing how miserable Chang'e felt over her loss of immortality, Houyi decided to go on a long, perilous quest to find the pill of immortality so that the couple could become immortal again. At the end of his quest he met the Queen Mother of the West who agreed to give him the pill, but warned him that each person needs only half the pill to become immortal.

Houyi brought the pill home and stored it in a case. He warned Chang'e not to open the case and then left home for a while. Like every other woman in the history of the world, she didn’t listen. She opened up the case and found the pill just as Houyi was returning home. Nervous Houyi would catch her fiddling with the pill, she swallows the whole thing like a stooge and starts to float into the sky because of the overdose. Although Houyi could have used his wicked archery skills to shoot her and tether her down, he couldn’t bear to do it and Chang'e kept on floating until she landed on the moon.

Although Chang’e missed her husband dearly, she wasn’t alone. She did have company of a jade rabbit that manufactured elixirs, and that of the lumberjack Wu Gang. The lumberjack offended the gods in his attempt to achieve immortality and was therefore banished to the moon. Wu Gang was allowed to leave the moon if he could cut down a tree that grew there. The problem was that each time he chopped it down; it would instantly grow back, effectively condemning him to live on the moon for eternity. Gods are tricky that way.”

So to commemorate this story, as well as the end of the harvest season, people throughout China gather their families together to catch up while eating moon cakes (discussed in more detail later) and pomelo. They also light lanterns to adorn their homes, temples, and even the sky. This last kind of lantern, called a, “sky lantern,” is really quite cool. They’re basically an ornate box kite that’s lit with a candle, but when they’re launched, after night fall, they make for a beautiful, candlelit sky. Add to this luminescence that of the full round moon and you’ve got yourself the makings of one festive evening. It’s also the perfect occasion to pull out your old Neil Young albums (namely Harvest and Harvest Moon) and rock out.

Alternate Uses for Moon Cakes:

Let’s face it; the moon cake is the fruitcake of China. No one actually wants them (other than for re-gifting purposes). They’re just the gift you give people to let them know how little you care for them. For the person on the receiving end, it’s really a slap in the face. The giver of said crap cakes gets to slide by on the kindness of the gesture, while you’ve got to work up a smile, and pretend to appreciate what is in essence, an empty, backhanded act of passive aggression. Giving someone moon cakes is the same as saying, “I’ve nothing but contempt for you, but I do plan on knocking you up for a favor in the next couple weeks, so try not to choke.” But all’s not lost because moon cakes can serve many other functions besides pissing all over the definition of cake. So as those decorative boxes of banality from all your condescending know-nothing colleagues at work pile up in your home, don’t think about how drunk you’re going to have to get to choke them all down. Get creative. Think like Martha Stewart, or just keep reading and use some of the ideas we’ve come up with. It’s a good thing.

Stabilize that wobbly chair or coffee table

One of the nice things about a cake that’s got the density of a brake pad is that it can endure a sizeable amount of force without breaking apart. That makes it one of the best materials to use to support that bothersome short leg on your table, chair, or bar stool. It also won’t scuff up your hardwood floors.

Serves as a fantastic replacement puck for ice or street hockey

Thanks to the moon cakes stout, cylindrical design, (It’s called, yeast, you a-holes! It’s what makes baked goods fluffy and delicious. Stop living in the past.), it has, not only the same shape as a standard ice hockey puck, but also, almost, the exact same dimensions. So here’s what you do. Take a box of these abominations and throw them in the freezer for a couple hours while you gather the gang for a good old fashion game of street hockey, or take them down to the skating rink at the MixC Mall and have at it.

Give to the needy

This is just to prove our point that these shit snacks are universally reviled. Go up to a homeless person asking for money and give them a box of these bastards instead, and see if you don’t get pegged in the back of the head with one as gratitude for your selfless gesture.

Protect yourself from stray dogs

It’s late and you’re stumbling out of the bar after a few too many with your buddies. Your senses are impaired, as is your sense of direction. You find yourself alone, walking down a dark street when you spot a mongrel dog that has shown an interest in you. You’re too drunk to outrun it, and it’s the only thing between you and your warm bed. What do you do? You pull out the moon cakes that some jackanapes forced on you and you force them right into the dog’s mouth. Like peanut butter on their nose, this should keep it occupied for at least 10 minutes, giving you plenty of time to make a staggering escape.

Whip at motorists who don't obey the traffic laws

How many times have you been on your bike, or in a taxi, and you’ve almost been killed by some motorist who thinks the rules don’t apply to them? If you’ve been here a week it’s happened at least once. Don’t lie to us. Of course, you want to throw something at them, but all you have handy is your cell phone and/or wallet and, obviously, you can’t throw those. Moon cakes combine the heft of a billiard ball with the softness of a dessert you’d still pass on in a hostage situation. You make your point, no damage to the target’s car, but the message was received. Everyone wins.

Earmuffs in the winter

Get creative this winter and be the first one on your block to chase away the chills with some homemade, moon cake earmuffs. All you need is a needle, some decorative, elastic yarn, 2 moon cakes (one for each ear) and a microwave. Cut 5 lengths of yarn at a measure of one and half times the circumference of your head. Work the yarn through the moon cakes laterally (through the sides). Adjust the position of the cakes so that each one rests comfortably over each ear, with your lengths of yarn going around your head like a sweat band. When you’ve got them positioned how you like them, tie the ends of your yarn together to ensure a snug fit around your cabeza. When you’re ready to hit the town, throw your stylish new earmuffs in the microwave for 30 seconds and prepare to laugh derisively at Old Man Winter.

Haze the new guy

Like snake wine and unicycles, moon cakes serve no purpose. They do, however, work well for gags, especially when the new guy in your office starts getting a little too big for his britches. Knock him down a peg, and remind him of his place by challenging his manhood with a moon cake eating contest. Basically, you just tell him that it’s a rite of passage we’ve all gone through and if he can’t eat 10 moon cakes in 10 minutes, no one will respect him. Whether or not he finishes them is beside the point. The point is, no one else is going to eat these things and they’re starting to take up space.

And there you have it. Seven great ways to get rid of your moon cakes, when re-gifting is simply not an option, but by no means, are these the only ways. Get creative and think up some yourself. You like building models? Build yourself a 1/10 scale trebuchet and see how far you can wing them. Or give them to kids. They’ll put anything in their mouths. Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, everybody!

2019 Qiantang River Tidal Bore and Surfing Competition

Qiantang River tidal bore is one the largest tidal bores in the world which reaches the most spectacular on the eighteenth day of the eight month on Chinese lunar calendar. To watch the 9-meter tidal waves, you can choose the best locations in Haining city, about 50 kilometers from Hangzhou.

2019 Qiantang River International Surfing Competition will be held from Sept.11th to 16th, during which the Qiantang River tides are surging frighteningly high in the year.

Opening ceremony (about 40 minutes)

Time: 3:30pm - 4:10pm, September 12th
Location: Qiantang Farm 钱唐农园 (江干区5号港路)

Qiantang River International Surfing Competition (4 days)

Time: September 13th - 16th (13th-15th: preliminaries, 16th: finals and closing ceremony).
Venue: Qianjiang No.9 Bridge to No.1 Bridge (Qiantang River Bridge) 钱江九桥至钱江一桥(钱塘江大桥)

Closing Ceremony Location: Qiantang Farm 钱唐农园 (江干区5号港路)

Teams: 9 teams (China, Australia, Spain, South Africa, Brazil, California, France, Indonesia and Puerto Rico)
Prize: 200,000RMB

Surfing Carnival (5 days)

Time: 10:30am - 4:30pm, September 12th - 16th
Location: Qiantang Farm 钱唐农园 (江干区5号港路)

What to expect: There will be four surf theme carnival activities: water rafting, surfing pool, surfing culture exhibition, surfing board teaching, as well as magical spider wall, frisbee, bowling and many other activities.

Qiantang Music Festival (1 day)

Time: 6:30pm - 8:30pm, Saturday, September 14th
Location: Garden Lawn at Qiantang Farm 钱唐农园大草坪 (江干区5号港路)

The referee of Qiantang River International Surfing Competition, Peter Towndend is the first World Surfing Champion and the former coach of China National Surfing Team.

Nine teams from home and abroad will surf on the so-called “Silver Tides” from Sept. 13th to 16th. World top surfers, Dean Morrison, Eneko Acero, Kyle McGeary and Made Garut Widiarta will participate in the event.

Dean Morrison, who is the champion of Australia and European Division of World Men's Shortboard Surfing Championship Tour. He is one of the most celebrated Australian surfers of the modern era, finishing a career best ninth in 2007. In the water Dean is a pocket dynamo, known for his compact, fluid style and sublime cutback. On land his humility and good nature ensure he is the kind of pro surfer who is approachable for people from all walks of life.

Eneko Acero, one of the most important and influential surfers of Spain and Europe. At that time it was just him on a worldwide tour with surfers from all over the place but his hometown/country. Still today, Eneko is surfing in a daily basis, manages a team of an international brand and of course proudly holds the surname Acero, a surfing family you might heard of from him, his older brother Iker Acero or the charismatic Kepa Acero.

Kyle McGeary, Team (NSSA) champion surfer, he is an underground local surfer from Huntington Beach, California. "Never heard of Kyle? Then you probably don't surf the pier, because if you did, you'd see him hucking big rotators everyday."

Made Garut Widiarta, born and raised in Kuta he started surfing at the age of 9 at his home break Half Ways, Garut is one of the most recognizable Indonesian surfers in the world and he has received more high profile attention in the media than any Indonesian surfer since Rizal Tanjung. Is name is I Made Widiarta a.k.a Garut.

The top local surfers will also participate on behalf of Chinese National Surfing Team. Surfing in the Qiantang River has only been allowed since 2008. During the competition, surfers will follow the tidal bore in motorboats and jet skis, and then take turns riding the waves.

Surfing will be included in the 2020 Summer Olympic Games in Tokyo. The inclusion has given a boost to the sport in China, where it remains relatively new.

Hangzhou government hopes the competition can further promote the sport among citizens, especially the youth.

The competition will be broadcast nationwide by China Central Television.

HIS Welcome Back BBQ Party, A Great Event For The HIS Community!

On Saturday, September 7th, 2019, Hangzhou International School held their Annual Welcome Back Barbecue and once again gathered the HIS community, parents, students and teachers, they had an opportunity to welcome the new families and to catch up with the old friends while enjoying themselves, the tasty food, and the activities provided.

MORE’s editor Loren was fortunately enough to be invited, while it was initially a little foreign to him—not having kids going to the school, not being a Binjiang-er—his years of being in Hangzhou felt like they finally paid off, and he bumped into a good cross-section of international folk he has known for a while now.

The food was predictably excellent, with burgers from returning favorite Slim’s one of the queues we had to try, but also present was the Indian faire from Pita’s and Tika’s and pizza from Angelo’s.

The kids had a great time too, with musical and dance performances, face painting and candy.

We had a great time talking to some new and returning teachers, eager to get the new school year fully underway, and had a great time talking about the crafts of teaching and parenting, as well as the sense of community that HIS brings to its families and faculty who come together from more than 50 nations to make events like this fun and engaging. We are looking forward to continue having a great school year!

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